Tags
anxiety, crop spraying, family, fero cactus, germination of crop, hospital, illness, pyracantha pruning, soup and smoothie maker, sugar beet harvest, unhappiness
I thought I would tell you a little of what has been going on with us.
My husband has an appointment with his specialist next Friday when we hope he will find out a little more about his condition. (He has a tumour on his pituitary gland which is probably benign).
‘The pituitary gland is a small ductless gland at the base of the brain which secretes hormones essential for growth and other bodily functions.’ The Concise Oxford Dictionary
He had a blood test yesterday in preparation for this appointment. My sister (who knows about these things as she works in the medical profession) tells us that to remove the tumour the surgeon will go up R’s nose as the gland is just behind where the eyebrows meet. It is often done during day surgery with no need to stay in hospital.
Alice is still applying for jobs but with no luck so far. She has a part-time job at the university library filling shelves which doesn’t give her very much money and she is finding it very boring. She thinks she will finish writing her PhD in a couple of weeks time which will be wonderful as she has been at it for nearly four years. She may be able to spend more time looking for work when she doesn’t have to write so much. The drama group she belongs to has just performed ‘Antigone’ by Sophocles and Alice was in charge of the curtains and also performed other stage managerial duties. I didn’t go to see the play as I have too many calls on my time at home at the present. The next play is an adaptation of ‘Emma’ by Jane Austen and Alice has been cast as Emma. I would love to be able to go to see her in that but it may not be possible.
My younger daughter E, has had a hard time adapting to college life. The first few weeks went very well but she suddenly had a return of her anxiety which really shocked her as she thought that she was in control of it. She has missed quite a few classes in all of the subjects she is taking as the panic attacks affected everything she did. There were days when she thought that she would be able to get into college and we would drive there only to find she was unable to get out of the car. The anxiety paralyses her and she cannot think logically. We would drive away and try again later. Some days we would make the journey three times. However, the staff at the college have been absolutely marvellous and have gone out of their way to help and encourage her. Last week was half-term and she was able to do a little catch-up work but spent most of the time feeling very depressed and frightened. This week however, she has suddenly found her feet again and has been in every day and is doing very well. We are praying, keeping our fingers crossed and touching wood. We have spoken to our GP who has enabled E and me to attend a four session course which will be every Monday evening for the next month on Stress Management which may give us a few helpful tips and stratagems. The course covers all sorts of stress, anxiety and depression so there will be some parts that will be of only partial relevance to E’s situation. However, with all the financial cuts to mental health we are lucky to get this help so we will take advantage of it. I am not sure when we will be able to cook and eat our evening meal as the course is between 6.00 pm and 7.30 pm and it will take about three-quarters of an hour to get there and the same to get home again. When R is at home he says that he will be able to help out.
My mother recovered slowly from her stomach upset and is now back to normal. I took her to Norfolk and Norwich Hospital on Tuesday for her regular eye check-up and she is fine and doesn’t need another injection yet.
My mother-in-law collapsed about six weeks ago and lay on her bedroom floor for some time before she was discovered. She has a panic alarm which she wears around her neck but for some reason she didn’t press it. For some time she has had great difficulty in walking but after a rather strenuous visit to the hospital that day she found she couldn’t stand at all and fell down. She was taken to hospital the following day and it was discovered she had also had a mild heart attack. She is still in hospital as more and more problems with her health have been discovered. My husband has visited Manchester a couple of times for a few days to see her and help my brother-in-law out. It may be that R’s Mum won’t be able to go back home. She is still in the critical ward in the hospital until her health can be stabilised. She will then go into respite care for a month and will be assessed to see whether she could cope in her home or not. If she does go home she will have to have much more help than she had before. If it is found that she isn’t able to go home she will have to go into a nursing home and her house will have to be sold to pay for that. This is a very worrying time for R and his brother. Mum-in-law has her 89th birthday on Sunday.
At the same time as my poor mother-in-law was first in hospital my brother found that his 33-year marriage was at an end. He is absolutely shocked and very unhappy that all the effort he put into caring for his wife and their two children (who are now grown up) and making a nice home was all to no avail. His wife no longer wishes to be married to him as she has found someone else. They are now having to sell their house and everything they have has to be split between them – pensions, cars, furniture – everything. It is all proving to be too much for my brother to cope with. He has been to stay with me a couple of times so that he can see our mother and have a little comfort too. I have spoken to him tonight and he tells me that he has been signed off work for two weeks with depression and has been given anti-depressants by his doctor. He is looking for another job away from where he lives where he may be able to get a cheaper house or flat to live in. Both my sister and I have been through a divorce because our husbands no longer wanted to be with us so we know what he is going through. I am now happily married but my sister has not been able to find anyone else.
So you see, life has not been a bed of roses for us for a while now. We hope that nothing else happens to add to our load of worries.
New Hampshire Garden Solutions said:
At least it sounds like your husband’s tumor removal will be much easier than I’ve ever heard of one being. It’s amazing what they can do these days.
Anxiety is tough to beat but it can be done.I assume your daughter must have medicine for it, but beating it also means that you have to continually keep exposing yourself to situations that cause it, and that can be hard to do at times. Some of what brings on a panic attack is the fear that others will know that you’re having one, and you have to learn how not to care what others will think. It really is a medical condition, after all.
When my father had cancer we were faced with the same thing that your husband is going through with possibly having to sell the house to pay for his care. Those kinds of decisions are the hardest any of us will have to make and he must be a strong man to be able to make them while he is sick himself.
It’s hard to see it as we are going through it, but as we look back on things like this we often see that they have made us stronger. Just like the tree that grows on a mountain crag, the stronger the wind the deeper its roots reach and the sturdier it becomes. Still, I hope for you and your family that the winds will relax, at least for a while.
Take care and stay well. Maybe right now isn’t the time to be pruning on top of a stepladder.
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clarepooley33 said:
Thank-you so much Allen for your kind and thoughtful words. We are managing to deal with all these issues because we are all working together and we love each other. However, it is proving difficult to apportion the right amount of time and thought to each problem because there is so much going on. My daughter has no medication to help her as it was always thought by her therapists that she should manage without and also she is still under 18 and family doctors also seem very reluctant to medicate in cases like this. We are hoping that once she is 18 in January she may be able to get a tranquilizer of some sort.
Stepladder work is all finished, thank the Lord! I will cut the honeysuckle vines at the base and try digging the roots out in the spring before it starts growing again. I will have to find a way of securing the pyracantha back against the wall though.
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New Hampshire Garden Solutions said:
I don’t know if I’d agree with your daughter’s therapist or doctor, but I’m neither so I should probably not be offering any advice. As for securing the pyracantha, I’ve used these before on brick and they work really well: http://www.tumaxgardenproducts.com/index.htm
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clarepooley33 said:
We don’t agree with the doctor and therapist but we went along with it all in the hope that they were right. My daughter was a little worried about taking tablets when she first got this anxiety a few years ago but she would happily accept a little medical help now. Thank-you so much for the link. I have bookmarked it and will show my husband in the morning. It looks just the thing!
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Cynthia Reyes said:
Oh, Clare. Dear Clare. This feels so tough. I know you are a ‘coper’ and you continue to be. Still, this is such a rough time for human beings to bear. I know you are a lady of faith and know that it must be helping to sustain you through these challenging times.
A big hug to you.I will keep you all in my prayers going forward. In fact, I’ve already started.
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clarepooley33 said:
Cynthia, thank-you very much. I was feeling much worse a couple of weeks ago when I couldn’t see that there was going to be any improvement any time soon. However, some of our problems have become less problematical and I was able to write about it all today. I couldn’t put it in words before. I am so grateful for your hugs and prayers. You are continuing to have mine xx
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Cynthia Reyes said:
Thanks, Clare. Sometimes, things feel to heavy or scary to put into words. I’m glad you could write about it at last.
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clarepooley33 said:
Thank-you.
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quietsolopursuits said:
I am truly sorry to hear of all the difficulties and challenges your family is facing. I hope that things begin to turn around for every one soon!
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clarepooley33 said:
Thank-you so much for your kind words, Jerry. I’m sure things will improve quite soon.
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fodrambler said:
Hi Clare. You have to look after yourself you know? It sounds like life is beating on you a bit.
There was one week in my life when my wife was in hospital having major surgery for a life threatening cancer (she beat it but I lost her). At the same time my elder brother was dying in another hospital (I couldn’t be with him because I was with my then wife). My younger brother was with his wife who was also in hospital her pregnancy had gone dangerously over time (she was fine).
It sounds hard but sometimes people look back and pass judgement on how you held yourself and how supportive you were all those years ago and there will be a time when all of this happened years ago. This is a time to be strong and totally believe that everything is going to be fine and to let other people feel that belief. Everything will be fine one day (most of it).
The stuff that your brother is going through, the divorce and the end of 33 years. I went through the same thing quite recently. I realised that my marriage of 31 years was over and I had to leave and that was nearly two years ago. My circumstances were a bit different, there were no other people involved and I wanted her to have the house. I imagine that I had a lot of the same anxieties and fears as your brother is facing. I could see no further purpose in my own life. All that I had ever done was look after people and if there was no one to look after then what was the point of me. I also had a lot of fear about my own future and I still have to fight with trying to come to terms with the way that my life has changed. The thing is that I am actually happier now in many ways, peace has come into my life. It is not as bad as I thought that it was going to be. I understand the depression, he is going to have a very hard time. My email address is on my Gravatar/ profile page and I am there if he would like to talk privately.
Somebody once asked me to talk to her daughter and her partner after this girl had been diagnosed with cancer. Knowing something of my experience I think that she wanted me to tell them something positive about cancer and I just couldn’t do it but I can do the positive side of life after marriage. Nobody moans at you, there are never any arguments and you can do anything that you want. I am concerned for him and I think that I could help.
I have just looked at my gravatar and realised that somebody has been messing about with my blog. Take care Clare. Let me help if I can. Now I need to get back and see what is going on on my own blog 🙂
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clarepooley33 said:
Sorry about the attack of italics! I can’t seem to get rid of the tags for long.
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fodrambler said:
There is something important that I should add to that. When I realised that my marriage was over I shut myself in a room and did not eat for two weeks. In that time I carried out a daily email correspondence with the Samaritans until I realised that they were just listening and had nothing to offer. I researched the best way to kill myself and decided to go for a helium exit bag and I ordered the necessary valves to ensure success from an anonymous group of pro exit people in Canada. To do that I had to send them photocopies of my passport to prove that I was old enough to make that decision and then I had to set up fake accounts to make the payment, what they do is against the law. It does not get that bad for everyone but your kid could be having a hard time. I am a tracker and I know scat when I see it. I am here to help if needed. 🙂
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clarepooley33 said:
Dear Colin, thank-you so much for taking the time to give me so much help and advice. I will certainly pass your message on to my brother. He is desperate to talk to someone who may be able to help him and has signed up for counselling at work and is thinking of contacting Relate. He is very confused and unhappy. I am also sorry you have had such a hard time but pleased that you have come to terms with it all and are content now. I will always be pleased to hear from you at any time if you need to talk to me. I am fortunate in that I am an optimist and I always look for the positives in life. I always try to encourage others around me to do the same but it is an uphill struggle sometimes. My youngest daughter is definitely having a very hard time but is not as unhappy as she was a year or so ago. She has made the decision to go to college and she really wants to make a go of it. When her anxiety goes away she is a positive, funny, kind and clever young woman but when the panic descends all that disappears. The anxiety almost has a life of its own – it is a powerful force that manipulates her and tries (and sometimes succeeds) to manipulate all who try to help her. We are keeping a close watch on her and so far she has shown no signs of wanting to do away with herself. She does not use the phone, does not use public transport and is very nervous if she receives e-mails and has to ask me to check them in case there is something worrying in them. My eldest daughter is bi-polar and she has been a great worry to me for many years. She has contemplated suicide but fortunately spoke to me and others before it got out of control. She now has medication that controls her mood swings but it also makes her vague and very forgetful. Fortunately, both my daughters are strong people and fighters. They also talk to me a lot, for which I am very grateful. With much love to you, Clare x
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tootlepedal said:
What a chapter of hardships. You have my sympathy and admiration for the calm way you are approaching things as far is possible.
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clarepooley33 said:
Thank-you! I am sure that things will improve very soon.
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Aquileana said:
Hi dear Clare.
thanks for sharing part of you lately days and experiences with us… i liked your ‘Fish-hook’ Fero cactus and its flower buds developed for the first time ever
I hope that your husband gets well soo. And wish Alice finally gets the kob she wants and deserves… Sometimes labour issues are not the best thing… But we must assume them as duties and just that … there are many other things to enjoy in life I guess.
As to your daughter, I wonder if she is seeing a psychiatric. Panic attacks are something that might arrive to people who is under stress or circumstances that imply pressure… She is probably afraid of failure… But there are pills for that… Anxiety is just a reply to environment produced by the brain…
She will be fine… But someone must give her a hand with some medicine …
When I was a law student I have been under stressful situations and I fear oral tests… But I got through them and a doctor gave me pills called Rivotril with help you to calm down… I have always been a remarkable student and had great marks but I suffered by those times due to these factors. Also when I had a important test sometimes my mom drove me by car and waited for me until I was finished. Sometimes her only presence was all that I needed to become truly confident about the examinations ahead. So I skipped them all.
I hope my testimony helps you… And hope she gets a proffesional by her side to step it forward. The cactus will brig you flowers soon, trust me!
All the best to you and yours. Love, Aquileana 😀
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clarepooley33 said:
Thank-you my dear Aquileana for taking the time to comment and for all your good advice. My daughter has seen therapists regularly for the past three years and saw a psychiatrist about a year ago. No-one has yet suggested that she take any tablets and when we asked our doctor he said he was unable to prescribe anything, which really surprised us. My daughter will be 18 years old in January and we hope that she may be able to get medication then.
Your testimony really is very helpful – thank-you so much.
With my best regards to you,
Love, Clare. x
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lundygirl said:
Hi Clare, a lot for you to cope with. I’m pleased that your daughter is persevering with college. I have had a couple of panic attacks and they aren’t very nice – I hope that the sessions in the evening offer some strategies that enable her to find things easier.
Thinking of you and your family.
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clarepooley33 said:
Thank-you Rachel, you are very kind.
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